Why Try so Hard to fit in when you were born to Stand Out?

I was born with a port wine stain hemangioma which covers a large part of the right side of my face. When my mother first saw me she cried, for me. I was blythly unaware of my uniqueness (so far as memory serves) until 4th or 5th grade and even then it was no big deal to me.

I was a package deal, meaning I had an outgoing nature, an optimistic personality, and innate confidence. Little may have been known at the time of my birth about the cause of this type of birthmark. It is now known that it occurs in .3% of births (or 1 in 1000 as compared to Downs Syndrome which is about 1 in 800 births), that it is not hereditary, and that it has nothing to do with what happened to the mother during pregnancy. Another part of my "package deal" was that I was born to wonderful parents who didn't let my anomaly stop them from providing me with five siblings. I would say that perhaps, if anything, my birthmark may have been more of a challenge to THEM. Another part of my "package" was that I was a bit on the clumsy side and had the misfortune of tripping as a toddler and knocking out my front tooth. When it grew back in it was slightly deformed.

So here I was, a tall gangly blonde with a birthmark and an ugly big tooth. That is a recipe for adolescent disaster. (I jokingly referred to myself as "Big Ethel". My best friend looked like "Veronica" and my other best friend looked like "Betty". No kidding. All we were missing was an Archie, Reggie, and Jughead.) Add to that a mother with little or no fashion sense (according to me), and a father whose employment required frequent relocations (we moved every two to four years) and the anxiety ratchets up. Socially I was either unconfident, incompetent, or a combination. What comes first--the chicken or the egg? Still, I elected not to wear make-up on a daily basis -- didn't want the inconvenience. Oh, I neglected to say all this was balanced out with a god-given Venus-de-Milo figure. I figured it was God's sense of humor. But I always had friends. I took this for granted 'till I had children of my own. As a youth I mistakenly thought that if one was beautiful, smart, graceful, and friendly that one would be "popular", which equated to me at the time "dating" which I thought meant "happy". Darn it, I was happy and I didn't even know it! My children were everything I wasn't and yet everything I was and I watched them not date and struggle with not having a true friend.

I was told by a trusted source that my birthmark would be made up to me "many times over". I credit my birthmark for sifting through my associates and singling out the best people to be my friends. I credit my birthmark for reining in my innate vanity and helping me focus on developing my mind and not abusing my physical attributes. I credit my birthmark for giving me nothing but happy memories of my teen years-- I was always "good ol' Viv" to the boys (which I HATED at the time). I was part of a good crowd (which veered ocassionaly, but never while I was in their company).

Fast-forward to college years. I didn't realize then that I was never perceived as a social threat to anyone, and so never lacked for friends. I received a proposal of marriage at the age of 18 from a very nice young man I'd met at a dance. He was in Army Basic Training following a two-year-full-time mission for his church. Not only that, he was good looking, sweet and fun to be with. I am ashamed to say now that for two reasons I declined. #1) It had never occurred to me NOT to graduate from college, for which I was preparing and #2) he didn't run with my crowd. "Where," I was to ask myself many times, "was an adult, peer, or mentor who could have helped me navigate these waters?"

Fast forward another twelve years, during whcih I earn an AA degree, a BS degree, and MLS degree, but not an Mrs. degree. I began my "career". On my 30th birthday I emancipated myself from the haunting hope that my "prince charming" was just around the next bend. I decided to date any comers and live outside of the orthodox mate-hunting-of-my-denomination mecca. I was FREE! Less than two months later I met my husband right where I was living. Go figure.

I share all of this to illustrate that my birthmark had nothing to do with all this and yet everything to do with all this. I wanted to be NORMAL. There's a favorite quote from the movie WHAT A GIRL WANTS. It goes, "Why do you try so hard to fit in when you were born to stand out?" My best friend in high school and I liked a silly movie, PUFF-N-STUFF, in which is a song with a refrain, "Different is hard, different is lonely, diffierent is trouble for you only. Different is heartache, different is pain, but I'd rather be different than be the same."

I began wearing make-up daily shortly after the birth of my third child. My children hated my make-up but accepted it. My husband prefereed me without make-up too (kissing is less fun when accompanied by "don't mess up my make-up!"). I've had several laser treatments, which have helped a lot. I indulge in a treatment whenever I have a lot of sick leave built up and would like two weeks of paid time off to pack for a move or some such thing. So, here again, the birthmark is a blessing. My kids and I joke that I really do turn into an ogre (folowing a lazer treatment). Just call us Fiona and Shrek and the Shrekies. I think we're The Incredibles as well.

So much for all that. The Lord has a program taylor-made for each of us to help us learn and grow. My birthmark is really my ONLY health challenge--how great is that? But I've been given other/additional opportunites. I am so grateful to come to know the Savior through these and the miracle of forgivenessand His love. That gift is priceless and precious.